How To Win Friends And Influence People Book Summary
“How to Win Friends and Influence People” is a timeless self-help book that has transformed millions of lives around the world. Written by Dale Carnegie, a renowned writer, and motivational speaker, this book has been a staple for anyone looking to improve their social and professional relationships.
First published in 1936, the book has been reprinted numerous times, translated into dozens of languages, and remains as relevant today as it was when it was first written. The book’s practical advice on how to build lasting connections with people has helped individuals from all walks of life to achieve greater success in their personal and professional lives.
Carnegie’s teachings are simple yet profound and provide readers with invaluable insights into human nature, communication, and leadership. This book summary will distill the key lessons from the book to help you improve your social skills, build lasting relationships, and achieve success in all areas of your life.
Everyone can learn something from this book. The principles given in this book are very simple, Which we often miss using and remembering. I will tell you the important points of this book which you can implement in your life now.
Some principles to help you get other people to like you.
1). Be genuinely interested in other people.
2). Smile.
3). Remember that a person’s name is important.
4). Be a good listener and encourage others to talk about themselves.
5). Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
6). Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely.
7). True friendships are there to help others.
Let’s understand each principle in detail with an example:-
1). Be genuinely interested in other people.
Show a genuine interest on your way to getting people like you. You will have to do a lot for the future of a relationship, you have to convince them that it is worth your time and energy or you are considerate, sympathetic, and selfless.
If you want the person in front to be interested in you, Then you should always talk about his interest. Be genuinely interested in other people. You should keep a genuine interest in them and not fake interest.
Example :
Imagine that you’re trying to catch a fish. If you put something on the hook that you like, such as chocolate, the fish won’t be attracted to it. Instead, you need to put something on the hook that the fish likes.
This analogy can be applied to how we communicate with others. When we meet someone, it’s important to find out what they’re interested in and talk about those things rather than just focusing on our own interests.
People are generally more interested in talking about themselves, so by asking questions and showing genuine interest in what they have to say, we can build stronger connections with them.
A survey conducted by a New York-based company found that people tend to use the word “I” a lot when talking on the phone, often talking about their own experiences and activities. However, to truly connect with others, we need to shift our focus away from ourselves and towards the other person.
Example :
When you come across a family photo, it’s natural to focus on yourself first and think about how you look in the picture. However, it’s important to remember that everyone else in the photo is just as important.
When it comes to communication, people tend to be more interested in talking about themselves. Therefore, if you want to connect with someone, it’s important to ask questions and show genuine interest in their lives. By focusing on the other person in the conversation, they will feel valued and more likely to engage with you.
2). Smile
When you meet someone, it’s important to greet them with a smile. A genuine smile can go a long way in creating a positive impression and setting a friendly tone for the interaction. In fact, smiling is contagious and can often lead the other person to smile back at you.
If the person you’re meeting is upset or angry with you, a smile can be even more powerful. By offering a genuine smile, you can show the other person that you’re willing to approach the situation with a positive attitude and a desire to resolve any issues.
This can help to diffuse their anger and create a more constructive conversation. However, it’s important to make sure that your smile is sincere and not forced, as a fake smile can come across as insincere and may not have the desired effect.
3). Remember that a person’s name is important.
It’s important to make an effort to remember someone’s name when you meet them. When you’re talking to someone, try to use their name multiple times throughout the conversation.
For example:
Instead of just saying “how are you?”, you could say “how are you doing, Rahul?”. Using someone’s name can have a powerful positive effect, as it shows that you value them as an individual and are interested in what they have to say.
When you use someone’s name, it also helps to build rapport and strengthen the connection between you. This is because people tend to feel more engaged and interested in conversations where their name is used. So, if you want to create a positive and memorable interaction, try to make a habit of using people’s names whenever you can.
4). Be a good listener and encourage others to talk about themselves.
One of the most important skills in effective communication is active listening. When you’re talking with someone, it’s important to focus on what they’re saying and really listen to their words. In fact, a good rule of thumb is to aim for a 75/25 split, where you listen for 75% of the conversation and speak for only 25%.
People love to talk about themselves and share their experiences, so by actively listening and engaging with them, you can create a strong connection and build rapport. When someone is sharing their problems or concerns with you, it’s important to give them your full attention and avoid interrupting them.
To show that you’re engaged in the conversation, you can ask questions and make relevant comments, but make sure that you’re not interrupting the other person or cutting them off. By doing this, the other person will feel respected and valued, and will be more likely to connect with you again in the future.
Additionally, maintaining eye contact can also help to show that you’re actively listening and interested in what they have to say.
5). Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
When you’re meeting someone for the first time, it’s important to do your homework and learn a little bit about them beforehand. This might include finding out what they like and dislike, what their hobbies are, and what they’re interested in.
Once you’re actually in the conversation, it’s important to make a good first impression. Start by greeting them with a smile and using their name frequently throughout the conversation. You can also ask them questions about topics that you know they’re interested in.
For example: You know that the person is really into cricket, you can focus the conversation on that topic, even if it’s not something that you’re personally interested in. By showing interest in their hobbies and passions, you can build a connection and establish common ground.
Overall, the key is to be genuine in your interest and enthusiasm for the other person, and to make them feel seen and heard. By doing so, you can create a strong foundation for a positive and rewarding relationship.
6). Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely.
Showing respect to others is essential in building good relationships. It is important to acknowledge and appreciate others’ value and make them feel important. Everyone craves respect and praise, regardless of their position or status.
For instance, if you receive the wrong order from a waiter in a restaurant, it’s important to address the issue with respect. Instead of getting angry, politely inform the waiter that there might have been a misunderstanding in the order. If you treat them with disrespect, it might discourage them from fixing the mistake.
Using polite words such as “sir,” “please,” “sorry,” and “thank you” can also demonstrate respect towards others. It’s crucial to maintain this attitude towards everyone, regardless of their position or social status. By showing respect, you can establish positive connections and build meaningful relationships.
7). True friendships are there to help others.
True friendship is demonstrated through helping others, rather than simply expressing happiness when a friend is in trouble. When you offer assistance to a friend in need, they are likely to remain close to you.
On the other hand, if you don’t provide any help, your friend may distance themselves from you because they might feel that a friend who can’t assist them in their time of need is not a true friend at all.
This book offers some ways to influence others. If you want someone to be impressed with you and start liking you, there are certain things to keep in mind when you meet them.
1). First point is to show enthusiasm while talking .
If you talk to someone on the phone, then you should talk with full enthusiasm, and not in a rude way.
For Example ; As if you get a call from someone, you tell him, Hello Rohit, how are you, what are you doing, how did you remember after so many days.Then he will feel how good it feels to talk to you. Only then will he be able to connect with you.
So whenever you talk to someone, whether it is on call or face to face, you should talk with full enthusiasm.So the person in front should also feel how interested he is in talking to me, how happy he is to talk to me. Then a smile will come automatically on his face.
These were some of the points I wanted to share with you.For the first time you are meeting someone and you are giving a first impression, then how to make friends with him.
2). The second point is criticism .
Criticism is not liked by anyone, neither does you like nor by others.
For Example; If you are talking to someone and the person in front tells you the wrong fact, or the wrong fact comes out of his mouth, it is less knowledge than that.If you criticise him that, no it was not like this, you do not know happiness .
So that’s wrong.If you are telling him wrong in front of other people, then he will never connect with you.And will not take forward your friendship, no matter how good a friend he is.
Suppose you come to know that he has made some mistake, has said something wrong,So we can tell him that brother, see that what you said may be correct, but I was lying here, I heard this here,
By this it will happen that if you respect And correct him too, this will not affect his mind either.him then he will not even feel bad, other people who are listening will also like it.You will also save your friendship.
Whenever you want to put a point in front of someone or want to speak a point,always think first that if I were in his place, what would I feel? This will let you know what you should reply to.
3). The third point is Avoid arguments
Never argue with anyone, there is no result by arguing, it affects your friendship.This may end your friendship.Whoever it is, your life partner, your friend, your co-worker, your customer, we should not argue with anyone.
For Example; If you are sitting somewhere in the hotel with your friend and you are arguing, then no one will like all this.Your relationship with your friend will deteriorate, as well as the people around you will also consider you bad.
Therefore, it is wise to avoid any debate.No one wins by debate, only relationships get spoiled.
4).The fourth point is to Be respectful of people’s opinions .
It is also important to remember that everyone is entitled to his opinion.That’s why you never tell anyone that you are wrong, your opinion is wrong.
Whether it is your friend, your partner, or you work with, or whether it is a customer. Even if you don’t agree, don’t talk to him, it will make him angry.If you turn around and talk, this will give you an easy way to keep your point.
5). The fifth point is to Admit it when you are wrong .
It happens to all of us that we are always wrong at some point. If you are wrong, admit it as soon as possible.
Being honest is a quality that everyone likes, And by accepting your own mistake, people respect and trust you. With this your relations will remain good and you will win your friends.
Conclusion
I hope you enjoyed this book book summary as much as i enjoyed reading and implementing these principles in my life. Always remember its you who need to take the first step.
Look which principle you can use in your life to make it better to be around people you like and always wanted to be, and donot forget to share this amazing book summary with your friends who are introvert or find it difficult to make friends.
